Loud And Clear

I've never had a blog before, so I am still learning the censorship of it all. I'm still learning what I can write and what I can get away with as a blogger. I've already made a huge mistake on here. But, the lesson has been clearly and quickly learned. I apologize for any ill emotions caused by anything I have said on here thus far.

I aim to be a writer in some professional capacity in my career. This was a valuable lesson to learn, and I can only go from here. I just wish it wasn't such a hurtful and frustrating process.

But, then again, when has anything you've wanted badly been easy to get?

I remember when I was seven years old, wanting an American Girl doll so badly. Starting in the summer that year, my mom gave me an empty coffee tin of her International Delights amaretto coffee to save my money in until Christmas. I had the option to save all or part of my allowance each week. I also had the option to do more chores to earn more money.

This was my first checking account, in a sense. Or, maybe it was a savings account. I think that was the intention of my mom, but I did withdraw from the tin every once in a while. You know, if there was a new candy at Gardner's Candies, or a new collection of POGs at Wal-Mart. It depended on my mood each week. Candy and POGs were equally awesome at that point in my life.

Either way, at the end of the year, whether I got my American Girl doll or not was up to me, and only me. I was motivated by this challenge and the sense of responsibility. I loved that coffee tin. I loved pay day. I love seeing money grow and make things happen.

Being a business major, I guess not much has changed.

So, I worked really hard in that five month period. I dusted the house so many times. I cleaned the bathroom. I made my bed every day. I kept the floor in my room pretty clear most days. I set the table for dinner. It was a process, a daily process, but I didn't mind it for the most part.

I liked the challenge.

And, sure enough, Christmas morning came on December 25th, as it does every year. And, although I knew I had given my all, there was still a bit of doubt in the back of my mind, making me think my American Girl doll was not under the Christmas tree that morning.

She was, though, and she was beautiful. I loved to change her clothes and play with her hair every day. I named her Lindsey. She was so cool.

I learned a lot that year. I learned about money and the value of a dollar. I learned about working hard and working toward a goal. I learned that I like a challenge and I handle responsibility very well, even at a young age. And, today, 15 years later, I see that everything requires hard work, responsibility, and the drive to meet the challenge. It doesn't come easy, whatever it is you are aiming to get.

I gave this a strong effort, and I still have questions. I feel a bit cheated and used. But, I'm okay. I've learned a lot here. But, I also am reminded that everything is a process. I need to realize that not everybody realizes this hard, true fact.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have had a fantastic mother, with an International Delights amaretto coffee tin to encourage a work ethic and a self-disciplining conscience.

Nope.

And now, today, I need to learn how to deal with that part of the population that have not learned these valuable lessons yet.

It sucks.

Hiccups Are Embarassing

So, I live in Friendship and work in Shadyside. It would be ridiculous to drive to and from work everyday, especially since parking on Walnut Street is horrendous and impossible. I would probably drive two minutes, park, and walk another half-dozen blocks to work.

Oh, and I don't have a car.

Needless to say, I walk to work everyday. Rain or shine. And it is mostly a good thing. The days that are really hot or really cold, or raining really hard, I really don't enjoy walking to work. But, for the most part, it keeps my legs fit. So I am happy about that.

A few days ago, I was on my way to work for an afternoon shift. I had already gone for a run and then successfully finished 6 cups of coffee, at this point.

Unfortunately for me, and this has haunted me since birth, when my stomach is too full of air, it really can't come out in one, exclamatory burp. For me, even when my mom burped me, I would start to hiccup. These hiccups can last and recur throughout the course of an entire day. I could hiccup initially for about 10 minutes, be fine, and then two hours later start hiccuping again.

How annoying, right?

Well, this day, because of the running and the coffee and the walking rather fast, I had hiccups off and on the entire morning. And my walk to work was no exception. I am so used to this hiccuping disease by now, I can control them and usually stop them fairly easily.

Today, my hiccups were winning.

So, I am walking across the East Busway on South Negley Avenue after six blocks of tiny, manageable hiccups. At the light, I stop and let out this HUGE hiccup.

I think I jumped.

And, luckily, no one heard it---Or, so I thought.

As I begin across the crosswalk, a mid-40's blonde woman with sunglasses, a business skirt suit on, tights, and white Nike sneakers starts coming across the crosswalk from the other side. As we walk by each other and get closer, she just smiles and turns her head downward, tilting slightly to the side.

"Aww, it's okay dear."

She seemed to feel sorry for me.

I was mortified!

It was one of those expressions that makes you want to crawl underneath your bed with a stuffed animal and cry. I reminded me of a thunderstorm with my little sister when we were seven and three.

You would think horrifying me with this expression would scare the hiccups out of my system, or so the old wives' tale would say.

Nope.

I had hiccups the rest of the day.

Just try putting mascara and liquid eyeliner on a woman six inches taller than you, while standing up with chronic hiccups.

I Am A Horrible Writer

It's been five---technically, six---days since my last blog.

I officially have a boyfriend.

I am going to San Francisco with Sephora to try out to be a trainer.

And as of 19 minutes ago, my baby sister is 19 years old. She also moved in with her fiance this week to their new apartment.

Yet, I have no desire to write about any of this. I have no strength or brain to put to any one of these events or any stories from the last five days.

I am far from speechless, but I have absolutely nothing to write.

I am a horrible writer.

Slicing Red Onions Made Me Cry And Then I Rubbed Them With My Fingers

I am a genius.

Tonight after work, I made panzanella for the 4th of July picnic tomorrow night. It's a delicious traditional Italian bread salad, and it is so easy to make. I made my own version, though. I combined bread, tomatoes, red onion, hot banana pepper rings, green and kalamata olives, garlic, EVOO and balsamic vinegar in a bowl. It's marinating over night in the refrigerator. Yum-o!

Unfortunately for me, though. I was slicing the red onion and my eyes really started to sting and water. That typically doesn't happen for me when I slice onion, so I guess this one was particularly pungent. Luckily, Bekah loves onion. If she could eat onions like apples, she would, if it weren't for all of the strange stares she would get. And Ted still kisses me with garlic breath, so taste is not an issue at this point. I am just extremely emotional at this point...Or, so it may seem.

So, instead of washing my hands and rubbing my eyes like a sensible girl should, I just dug my fingers into my eye sockets and filled them with onion residue.

Delish.

I'm still teary-eyed and so full of regret.

Happy 4th of July to you all! Enjoy your family and friends, and please be safe!

I Skipped Blogging For A Week

Yup.

I haven't had a new post here since Monday. I only started this blog a little over two weeks ago, and I am already tapering off at the ends.

To be honest, I've met a new boy.

But, a few things have been set on the back burner.

As you can see, I haven't been blogging all week. This is unfortunate both for you and for me. I love writing here. I can let go of my thoughts and release without inhibition. I also haven't been doing my ab routine every night. I have done an ab routine every night since April. Four times this week isn't bad, but it still isn't seven times.

I can feel the flab, spilling over my pants.

I have, however, kept up with my running. I also have been cleaning a lot more! And I've discovered a bunch of new things about myself.

I can definitely cook. I can even experiment in the kitchen, and the finished meal always surprises me.

I can be very understanding. I can also be laid back, but still feel like I am in control of myself and my own actions. I don't have to be the perfectionist I always have known myself to be. I can be in control of my own emotions and actions, and still be laid back.

I smile a lot, and always have. But this is a different kind of smile.

This is how I've always wanted to be.

And now I know that I am who I've always wanted to be.